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Stories:

Tragical Tale of the Sick Elephant

By Marc Haggerty

The night blew cold and rainy
When the circus came to town
The wind blew through the tent flaps
The rain blew sideways down

The lions were cold
The elephants cold
The poodles were turning blue
The cold got old
The tickets got sold
Then the crowd was freezing too

The trapeze ladies shivered together
Next to the elephant gate
Where lancelot t ramos rode jumba [the elephant]
On the way to his tragical fate

Tragically fated
practically naked
He stood on his elephant’s back
The elephant hated
The cold and debated
Giving lancelot t ramos a smack

The trapeze ladies huddled and worried
They knew what mad elephants do
The smack to the ground, the big foot comes down
And lancelot t ramos is goo

Now lancelot was mean
He’d even been seen
Whipping his sister for fun
She wailed and cried
So he chased her outside
Just to see how fast she could run

Now jumba was sick of the circus
And the chains and the rain and the snow
But mostly just sick of lancelot t. ramos
And having to work in the show

Cause elephants like
The warm summertime
To roam all the day and be free
But real circus life
Is toil and strife
Chained like a dog to a tree

3 days before in port Arthur
It was springtime and walmart sold flowers
But since then up the north texas plains
The wind blew the rain and snow showers

It can really suck
In the back of a truck
All night long in the wind and the snow
So jumba fell ill
With a feverish chill
And lancelot was the last one to know

She didn’t want to do the performance
But lancelot just pushed her around
And forced her inside the arena
To the lights and the tiny cold crowd

Like a Mexican curse
Now jumba felt worse
As she did tricks and danced on a ball
And then she stepped down
With an elephant frown
To the last and most dangerous of all

Cause the people who work in the circus
From the riggers to the guys in the band
Know the most dangerous performance
Is when the elephant steps over the man

And now 4 separate times
Sick jumba finds
A chance to trash ole lancelot t jerk
But as three feet cross over
It’s the fourth one that hovers
To pause above lancelot t’s smirk

The crowd grew as quiet as cotton
The priest said a Mexican prayer
The fourth foot raised fatefull and trembling
Like tragedy hung in the air

Then out came a groan
A deep gurguling moan
There was nothing a person could do
With a toot and a wail
Down her leg and her tail
Burst rivers of elephant poo

It was sticky and icky
It flooded quite quickly
The poo it plodded and plopped
The once mighty lancelot
Was now more a toilette
And flooded way over the top

And lancelot t. ramos was covered
With gallons of elephant poo
And deep in that poo he discovered
There was only one thing left to do

First he stood up
And wiped off the crud
And jumped up on his elephant’s back
And he rode past the crowd
With a smile so proud
That completely contradicted the fact

That lancelot t. ramos was stinky
And covered in wet you know whatty
Cause it’s bad enough to be a sick elephant
But worse to be a sick elephant's potty

As he rode past the gate
I heard him relate
“there’s no reason to weep or to mourn
It’s a fine thing too
Getting covered with poo
It’s the first time all day I’ve been warm"

Now the moral of this story
The lesson to this tune
Is to never lie beneath your elephant
Unless you like elephant poo

An let those ole elephants run wild
They just want to be free
An try not to let ole lancelot t. ramos
Get ahold of you, [or me]

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© Marc Haggerty 2004-2015. All rights reserved. Bloomington, Indiana, USA.